Long Distance Relationships: Just Say No to the Torture
By MollyPosted Oct 10, 2012
My first questions to anyone in a long-distance relationship are some of the following: are you a masochist? Why do you like pain? Why are you doing this to yourself? Are you insane? How could anyone pick a Monday night of Face-Timing with someone who lives four hours away over Monday night football and $2 schooners? These are things I just don’t understand.
People give all kinds of justifications for being involved in LDRs, and we all know someone who is in one and says it’s totally worth it, they’re super in love, blah blah, blah. Come on, you’re not fooling anyone. We all know you’re actually miserable and it’s slowly killing you.
Believe it or not, years ago, I used to be one of these unfortunate people. But then I stepped back and was finally honest with myself: this sucks, no one is happy, and it’s just not working.
Short term, LDRs can be bearable. Maybe it’s just a summer apart while one of you has an internship in another state. But any longer than that, and you’re playing with fire. Texting, emails, and Skype dates will never be able to imitate or replace the human touch.
Absence doesn’t really make the heart grow fonder—it breeds jealousy and resentment. You both will become a crazy people who think things like, “Who is that bitch who just wrote on his Facebook wall? Why did he cancel our Skype date last week?” or “Who is that guy with her in that photo from tailgating? Why hasn’t she called me back?” Even if there are innocent explanations for these things (she lives on his floor, he has a midterm tomorrow, that’s her cousin, whatever), is the stress and suspicion during what is supposed to be the best four years of your life really worth it?
Do you realize how much you’re missing out on by driving across the state every weekend or staying in to talk on the phone all night? And very importantly: does anyone actually derive pleasure from phone sex?
Just because you’ve been with someone for a long time doesn’t mean you’re going to be with them forever. Maybe you two really are super in love, and if so, that’s great. But if you’re going to try making it work, you have to be prepared to face the facts: LDRs do not work out often, and when they end, it’s a mess.
They do not end in being friends with your ex, or at least being able to tolerate them if you were at the same party, or best case scenario, still hooking up when you’re both in town. No, LDRs almost always end in fiery explosions of hating the other person and crying in the fetal position.
Staying with someone because it’s comfortable and safe is one of the worst things you can do. “Comfortable” can quickly bleed into “boring”, which is right across the street from “get me out of here”. And thinking that you’ll never in the rest of your life meet anyone as great as this person is just ridiculous.
There are so many amazing people out there, you’d never have the time to date them all, even if you tried. But you’d never know any of that if you didn’t get off Skype and find out for yourself.
Don’t be one of those sad and sorry people who look back and regret that they didn’t get out of a time-sucking, fun-sucking long distance relationship sooner.
No one likes listening to those people. Not even bartenders.
Yours across the miles, Molly