Two Journalist Miss Lecture From Two Most Famous Journalists in America

By Max B.K.

‘We gots to go,’ the text message sent at 3:42 read, but I couldn’t respond; I was in the middle engineering clever answers at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, hoping for a side gig to support a masochistic writing habit. And so it went, two up-and-coming journalists blowing the first half of the lecture given by Woodward and Bernstein, the two most famous journalists in America. We were in Worthington and the journalists responsible for exposing Nixon’s Watergate scandal were on at OSU at 4:00 on the dot.

I also insisted we take North High Street back so I could get a sense of how far away we really were.

The two were smashing. That’s a gross overstatement. They were interesting, at times, mostly because of their personal quibbling and constant interruptions. Their antics weren’t enough for the man sitting next to me who fell asleep in his seat, before ambling towards the exit. I found myself chatting to Kate during the lecture. The woman sitting in front of me shot me a dirty look, I snarled at her. I’m press, that’s my First Amendment right, lady.

What could those two journalists have said? I’ll take a stab at it.

Pehaps: While Internet communication flourishes, print journalism has taken a huge hit, eventually leading to a profound paradigm shift for the media.

Maybe: The role of the objective ‘journalist’ has become increasingly prominent in an era of the rabid pundit politicalization of all news, finding crescent moons and conspiratorial designs everywhere.

Possibly: Journalism needs more breasts, breasts sell; write about them!

Conceivably: The role of journalists for the discovery of presidential information is crucial for informing the society at large. At least, that’s what the press release said.

While all are great candidates, I will never know for sure. I asked a cameraman if I could see his footage, he said, ‘I’m filming right now. This is going to be on C-SPAN. Go away!’ I asked the event’s coordinator, Laura Sipe, who told me I could see it in a week when it will be up on OSU’s website.

Great.

They were funny, no doubt. Bernstein spoke about the electrifying experience of working in his first newsroom and touching the hot pages of the paper fresh off the press. Woodward said, “That sounds sexual.� It became a running gag through the rest of the Q and A session, which was characterized by questions tailored by inquirers to highlight their own brilliance in a room of a few hundred that was far from capacity and required an RSVP, and other questions that were so good the two journalists could not begin to answer.

‘What will the shape of journalism’s future look like with the rise of the blog and the marginalization of the mainstream press?’ one young woman asked. (I’ve paraphrased her. I write more eloquently than she speaks. Conversely, a terrible stutter afflicts me.)

Woodward, cool and confident, slouched across an upholstered arm chair asked, “How old are you?’

“Twenty-two,� she said.

‘We’re in our late 60s. We’ve done our work. You tell us! That’s your work to do.â€�

Everyone laughed riotously, equal parts surprise at the candidness and dread for what the unknown holds.

Due to riders’ requests, COTA has added more night routes to the 2010 bus schedule that takes effect January 4th. Among the many changes COTA plans to make for the new year, 11 p.m. and midnight trips from downtown will be added to the following routes:

1 Cleveland Ave./Livingston Ave.
2 N. High St./E. Main St.
3 Northwest Blvd./W. Mound St.
4 Indianola Ave./Parsons Ave.
5 W. Fifth Ave.
6 Mt. Vernon Ave./Sullivant Ave.
7 Neil Ave./Whittier St.
8 Frebis Ave./Hamilton Ave.
9 Leonard-Brentnell
10 W. Broad St./E. Broad St.
11 Oak-Bryden/St. Clair Ave.
16 Long St./S. High St.
18 Kenny Rd.

A full list of new services can be accessed through COTA’s website (www.cota.com), or viewed as a pdf: http://cota.com/assets/Riding-Cota/2010_January_Service_Change_WEB.pdf.

A new book, Spear-Shaker: Francis Bacon’s Legacy challenges the secret life of William Shakespeare, implying that Sir Francis Bacon was the genius behind the historic works of literature.

The evidence is in the YouTube book trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIzGeGm4qZM). Highlights include the suggestion that the similarities between the men’s portraits are uncanny, and that the letters of Francis Bacon’s name are found in the embellishments around the first letter of The Tempest.

Decide for yourself December 12, when the book is set to hit the shelves.

Right now Obama is in China telling them that we aren’t the enemy, and human rights aren’t the enemies either. He had to speak loudly because of the wails coming from Australia, the screams mixed with government apologies for the rampant child abuse of orphans in their care. Of course, it might have been the wails from dying bodies lying outside the police station in Peshawar, Pakistan where a bomb exploded, killing four. In Russia, the police officer who was fired for some serious Serpico whistle-blowing apparently couldn’t be heard by anyone within the national borders. In France, only applause in the air were for Clint Eastwood who won an award for little else than being Clint Eastwood. The yells to the referees from Argentinean football coach, Diego Maradona can be heard 300 miles into the Atlantic. His two-month ban is much more quiet. In Copenhagen no one is saying anything until the UN summit on climate change. A countdown is still in the air in Cape Canaveral as Space Shuttle Atlantis makes its way to the International Space Station. There is no sound in space. In Rome they are talking while eating gelato, trying to freeze food prices across the board. Japan’s stock market is screaming in joy. The U.S.’s is deathly silent. Kosovo will be calling for a recount, but won’t get it in their PM elections. Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria—they are all screaming bloody murder and have been for many years. Can you hear them? Can you hear any of this?

-WTS

About twenty five students gathered for a pre game march and rally down on campus Saturday. The intent of the march was to provoke President Obama to commit to go to the upcoming Copenhagen convention on climate change beginning on December 7th.

Deb Steele, a member of Greenpeace, organized the gathering. Steele said the group hoped to “bring more visibility about the convention to Ohioans� and to “urge Obama to be a leader at the convention.� As of yet, the President has not committed to personally appearing at the convention.

“He used a lot of liberal rhetoric during the campaign and we want some action, not just talk� said Steve David, a senior in sociology.

- Justin Vance

In Time Magazine’s list of the 10 ‘Best College Presidents,’ Ohio State’s own President Gee ranked No. 1.

Read the full article here: http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1937938_1937934,00.html

Pluto is no longer a planet, or maybe the fact that it was ever a planet to begin with
The death of Billy Mays is news
Arizona Cardinals make it to the superbowl
The team with the most losses of any professional team in any sport, in any country, ever—the Philadelphia Phillies—has gone to the World Series for the second year in a row.
The Aztec Calendar is ending.
A large portion of Americans don’t know what an Aztec is.
A large portion of Americans also can’t read a calendar.
Ralph Nader writes a novel.
Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Google taking over the world.
Information theory
Carbon credits
Obama elected President
Obama wins the Nobel Peace prize
Obama is heckled during his speech of health care
Michael Jackson’s death is ruled a homicide
Nicholas Cage, Marissa Tomei, Three Six Mafia have won Academy Awards
Six-year-old Zachary Christie suspended for bringing a spork to school
Iranian Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi working to abolish Switzerland and divide the land among the surrounding countries.
Japanese gameshows.
There are more amateur spacecrafts in orbit than NASA shuttles.
Grand Theft Auto: Ballad of Gay Tony—not the game itself, but the person who thought of it.
No one under the age of 30 knows the name of Bernie Goetz
Kanye West in all ways
Subprime mortgages
The fact that Rush Limbaugh is still on the air
Even if it was in the name of science, we bombed the fucking moon
Aquafina as purified tap water and is a Pepsi product, or bottled water in general, or maybe just the need to bottle things in general.
The disproportionate disconnection of people and their food
Kindles

Obama elected president
Americans soldiers are pulled out of Iraq
Arizona Cardinals lose the superbowl

The City Council plans to discuss the theft of print publications, including weekly and monthly magazines and newspapers that are distributed around the city. Those interested in learning more can attend the meeting Thursday, October 22 at 5 p.m. at City Hall. A live broadcast of the meeting is scheduled to show on GTC-3.

JEMEZ MOUTAINS, NM La Chupa Cabra and I drove some thirty miles into the Jemez to camp with some friends we had made while working for New Mexico PIRG. The drive was long and tiresome, made in the nighttime and the rain, but I knew it would be well worth the effort – several days before I had purchased around five grams of “magic mushrooms” and I was in dire need of a good spirit quest.

The evening began innocuously enough. One of the chillers there was a former Columbus resident; as the mushrooms came on we jawed about my editor at the Free Press from whom he had taken several college classes. La Chupa Cabra ingested (maybe) half a gram, and I ate the rest, thinking it a rather small amount and preparing for a mild, perhaps even disappointing trip. (Normally I eat no less than a quarter. I figure if I am going to put in the time, I’m going to get my money’s worth. Terrence McKenna’s one redeeming idea was the Heroic Dose. Monkeys on Mushrooms are better classified Jaguar Snacks.)

The mushrooms were in fact deviant and evil, likely cross-spored with toadstools or pig shit. La Chupa Cabra threw up over forty times in the course of the night, violent and animalistic growls and snarls, the heaves coming first wet and chunky and then, later, dry and raspy, like a grizzly trying to dislodge a pufferfish from its craw. At the time I was under the impression that a rattlesnake had bitten me, an occasion I have always hoped to experience, so I sat down and began to focus on working the venom through my system. I’ve always been one to try and make the best out of a bad situation.

As I attempted to metabolize and transmute the toxins, I had a series of wonderful visions. One of these was Death, whom I encountered in a beautiful moving checkerboard world. He was an odd-looking fellow, sort of a kachina doll with an oversized head, which he continuously shook back and forth at me regardless of my questions. I soon tired of his company and began to explore the forest around me, walking down to the bottom of a deep ravine. I realized later that I had never moved from my seat, yet I was able to remember details such as the location of dead logs and whatnot. Creepy.

Chupa continued to puke, and I continued to trip. Right before sunrise I shit my pants with a loud holler. Taken by surprise, I was thankful that no one else was yet awake. I walked to the car and changed into my other pair, returning to our tent. I laid myself down and had scarcely closed my eyes when I shit my pants yet again. Much chagrined and out of clean trousers, I rolled up my soiled rags and put them in the boot of Chupa’s car.

By this time I was becoming hungry, and decided to cook breakfast. There was no wood cut for the fire, so I grabbed an axe and an ash log one of the others had brought, removed my poncho (it was wrapped around my waist in such a fashion as to allow accidental shit streams to pass harmlessly through the neck hole) and began to chop the wood, butt-naked, there in the Jemez Mountains, screaming at the top of my lungs and squirting streams of mushroom-shit down my legs and into my socks. This, for those of you who aren’t man enough to recognize it, was Nirvana…shitting, screaming, naked, and chopping wood with an axe. There may be no other way to Heaven.

La Chupa Cabra eventually stopped puking long enough for me to teach her how to shit in the woods properly, and before long we were side-by-side, squatting and hollering and ridding ourselves of the last of that terrible trip. Our fellow campers were quite dismayed by our behavior, although one of them WAS from Kentucky and should have been properly impressed. We had a nice large breakfast of sausage and Stick-Biscuits and parted ways, although not before I relieved the Kentuckian of his tent.

We spent the next part of the morning in a nearby natural hot spring, ‘taking the waters’ as they say. It was a time of healing and restoration. Thankfully, the water was already murky before we got there.

Regardless,

Daniel Rether, Journalist

Send your own blog to managingeditor@uweekly.com.

The first day of Welcome Week highlight was the group-hug Ohio State called Involvement Fair.

The first opportunity to be smashed between damp Buckeyes returning to campus was in the line for free Kings Of Leon tickets outside the Wexner Center. Yet with no BuckID on hand, I looked onward – there were too many free things available to justify waiting for concert tickets! [Note: This thought was had before learning that tickets cost $45.]

After squeezing by sorority masses and pressing past the patient soon-to-be-eating-free-food population, I finally broke the barrier into the Land of Free Stuff and began collecting.

The following is a breakdown of the most memorable booths based on their offerings:

Most Potential for Use, While Ironically Being Most Unnecessary award goes to the Ohio Union with their “cordster� – a device that supplies an additional, separate outer edge for any device that has a cord. Instead of wrapping your headsets horizontally around the iPod itself, you can now wrap them vertically around the cordster attached to the back.

Most Awkward to Get award goes to Reach, offering yellow foam duckies to those who know suicide trivia. The first question was, “What is the key to preventing suicide?� My guess was communication, but that coincidentally elicited no response. I was then asked, “What gender is more likely to commit suicide,� I told her that men are more likely to follow through, and I was handed a duckie. But what is the key to preventing suicide?

Most Appreciated award goes to the Homecoming Committee with a cinnamon-scented air-freshener. Thank you.

Best Marketing Scheme award goes to the Newman Center with its 10-inch tall ferns, perfect for any dorm room conservatory. This Catholic group also got the award for applicable symbolism, inviting Welcome Weekers to let the Lord’s light shine on them / grow in the word of God / reap what they sow. Also, as the plants (i.e. the free item you might actually consider buying in another setting) spread through the Oval, the desire for others to find the origin grew. Yet the promotion may have gone a bit far; a sticker on the plant advertised an OSU vs. Michigan ticket giveaway at www.BuckeyeCatholic.com.

Most Confusing award goes to the booth with mini fish aquariums partially filled with water and not at all filled with fish. Was the water collected from the rain earlier that day? Were the fish already handed out? Was this related to the plant booth? Still don’t know the name of the group; confusion trumped curiosity for the first time in my life.

Best Promise award goes to the Wexner Center for the Arts. Although they only offered a flyer and maybe some candies during the Buffet of Things, this flyer spoke of future free pizza, Jeni’s ice cream and (drum roll) a t-shirt, one of the greatest college student motivators – even if it is a day delayed.

Last, and (literally) not least, the Most Cumbersome award goes to The Lantern with their newspaper-sized flyers. The publication’s proselytizer was asking, “Do you read? Are you smart?� and deemed me as such even before I introduced myself as a UWeekly editor. He then shoved the paper in my arm space, which was previously reserved for things not (metaphorically) shoved down my throat.* After formally introducing myself, I asked if I could have some of his writers and he told me how to contact him.

Now, for some sweet jumps and roundhouse kicks,

Kate L.

*Catch an issue of UWeekly at College Town tomorrow (Wednesday) from 11 a.m. – 1 p.m.