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January 6th, 2010 Archives

Fashion Police

Sure thing, I’ll send you a picture asap. I’ll be sending the picture from my 6th grade, foxiemoxie98@yahoo.com , email—feel free to make...
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Denim on denim is such a classic faux pas, the guy in question might actually be a part of some as-yet unnamed protest. One criticism Fashion Police has gotten in its previous installments is that we Fashion Policemen are overly harsh on unique individuals. Here we have someone who has indulged in a hideous style that is practiced by hundreds of thousands. That place is called North Dakota. The boots and crazy hair are a nice touch, though. At least it shows dedication to the "serial killer living in the wilderness" look.

If the first guy is a serial killer living in the North Dakota wilderness, then this guy is his child-molesting cousin who hides the bodies in an abandoned dumpster 20 miles outside of Bismarck. While his untidy beard and guilty look are obstructed, his clown hat clearly shows the world his potential as a homicidal pedophiliac hermit. The yellow shirt carelessly escaping from the maw of the double denim is only further evidence of his criminal lunacy. I don't know how many PSA's go out in the frigid northern reaches of the Plains region, but children should be warned of the dangers of a pink pom-pom.

"Hey, what purse should I take to Great Clips?" "I don't know, what sort of outfit do you have on?" "Well, was going to wear this nice wool blazer, but, uh, I really think that I have to wear my poofy green jacket made from authentic Ninja Turtle skin ...." "OF COURSE!" "I mean, the hood's lined with real Snuffaluffagus fur! I was also going wear some jeans and my giant yellow rainboots." "That's a great idea, because this way they won't get wet, because it hasn't rained or snowed all day!" "Ok, so I guess it's between my cartoonish banana-colored purse and a stuffed Kermit the Frog bag I have leftover from preschool." "Well, the Kermit bag would probably clash with your mind-bogglingly verdant jacket, whereas the banana purse matches perfectly with your boots, which are the color of an Irish dockworker's urine the morning after the St. Paddy's Day that saw England sink beneath the waves!" "Great! I'll just put on my clown makeup and we'll go!"

Originally Published: January 6, 2010

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Comments

  1. The rubber rainboots are awesome, the Uggs are just that: Ug.

    Pandela | 2010-01-07 - 07:42:37 PM (CDT)

  2. I hate this STUPID rubber boot fad. Hey females, it’s not cute or attractive to see a 22 year old women wear rubber boots with lady bugs on them.

    Steve | 2010-01-08 - 09:02:04 PM (CDT)

  3. The homicidal pedophiliac hermit has a bright green shirt. Right. The dangers of having a color blind Fashion Policeman is exposed.

    Fashion Policeman | 2010-01-09 - 04:34:31 AM (CDT)

  4. If the "fashion police" ever got out of Columbus, you’d see that the bright yellow boots/bag and green coat are trendsetting. Try visiting NYC sometime so you can see what’s in style now. Of course it’ll be the rage in Columbus 2 years from now and passe in the civilized world. Hey boot girl-thanks for brightening up the place!

    Dewey | 2010-01-09 - 12:36:38 PM (CDT)

  5. Love the boots and the bag! Can fashion police let us know the brands so I can order some? Saw the boots in London in a different color and kick myself for not picking up a pair.

    Michela | 2010-01-09 - 12:41:06 PM (CDT)

  6. http://tinyurl.com/yf3gocv

    This is where you can get them. Always happy to help.

    The Fashion Police | 2010-01-09 - 01:13:03 PM (CDT)

  7. FP: Cute answer above, but if you’re interested Michela, they’re made by Hunter, sold by Nordstrom on-line, and come in many colors including crimson (well they call it red). And for the record, I agree, they look amazing. Nice to see someone being a little daring and willing to push the fashion envelope. You go yellow boot girl!

    Cynde | 2010-01-09 - 02:58:39 PM (CDT)

  8. Must have been a slow week for the fashion police. Seems like anyone willing to wear something other than the standard uniform of jeans and an Ohio State sweatshirt is "out of touch." Shouldn’t you be celebrating those who exhibit a sense of individual flair and style, not ridiculing them? I bet you were a loser in high school and use this column to get back at the cool kids. Pathetic.

    Bobby | 2010-01-09 - 03:03:11 PM (CDT)

  9. I don’t know why but those yellow boots really turn me on. Hope to see more of them on campus. Ladies...get busy!

    Nick | 2010-01-09 - 04:43:08 PM (CDT)

  10. If they made those yellow boots with four inch hells I’d be in heaven. Why don’t the designers ever ask us guys what we’d like to see?

    Hank | 2010-01-09 - 05:14:22 PM (CDT)

  11. For those of you that like the "urine" colored boots, I hope they brighten your day if you spot me wearing them around campus. And as for the green jacket, what’s so bad about being a ninja turtle?

    Michelangelo | 2010-01-09 - 11:27:58 PM (CDT)

  12. Hey Keely, you’re rockin that look girl - Olney,MD is proud of you! By the way, Dave Thomas called, he wants his boots back.

    Cynde2 | 2010-01-09 - 11:59:41 PM (CDT)

  13. MAN i really wish i had a pair of those rain/snow boots they’re awsome. The purse is also amazing. And coat, what the heck is wrong with a green puffy coat?
    fashion police can suck it.

    BAM | 2010-01-10 - 12:12:48 PM (CDT)

  14. HEY GIRL! cool boots, coat and purse! WAY TO BE DIFFERENT.
    As for the fashion police, maybe you should try this look out sometime because you are obviously very dull and boring.

    trixxyy | 2010-01-10 - 12:19:45 PM (CDT)

  15. way to brighten up my day boot girl!

    naughty | 2010-01-10 - 12:20:28 PM (CDT)

  16. Hmmm...thats weird I guess THE Ohio State is now THE Fashion Captial of the World. Everyone at UPenn rocks the Hunter Boots.

    UPenn | 2010-01-10 - 12:27:44 PM (CDT)

  17. I’d like to see you in nothing but those yellow rainboots...

    Alicat | 2010-01-10 - 12:30:20 PM (CDT)

  18. yo yellow rainboot girl, the back of yo head is ridiculous.

    blursy | 2010-01-10 - 12:31:12 PM (CDT)

  19. Steve you are retarded for even making a comment about the boots. If you are here, discussing boots and how women shouldn’t wear them then my guess is that you aren’t into girls anyway, so why bother commenting. As for boot girl, your the bomb--at least you wear something other than plaid shirts and cut off jeans like the rest of O-H-I-O. party on.

    LB | 2010-01-10 - 12:34:55 PM (CDT)

  20. GLo loves snuffalufagus fur

    GLo | 2010-01-10 - 12:36:13 PM (CDT)

  21. So I just got back from a fashion show in New York City and the number one winner looked exactly like that boot girl!

    Abby | 2010-01-10 - 12:38:00 PM (CDT)

  22. FP: I agree re the denim guys, way too much but think you’re off the mark on boot girl. I think it looks cute, wish I had thought of it first but since I don’t like to copy I’ll have to come up with my own look...don’t know what it will be yet but it will definitely have more color!

    Sasha | 2010-01-10 - 02:25:07 PM (CDT)

  23. BTW - yellow bag is made by Gucci--probably costs way too much money but the whole outfits rocks.

    Cheyennne | 2010-01-10 - 03:50:18 PM (CDT)

  24. i think that we’re all missing the best part of the "urine boots" picture..how about the butt on that girl walking next to her. probably the finest rear-end on campus. i guess the ninja turtle isnt bad either.

    ksk | 2010-01-10 - 12:58:30 AM (CDT)

  25. hahahahahahahahhahaha the funny thing is that that person who wrote the article is pathetic. Seriously, your job is to run around finding people who don’t meet YOUR fashion needs (might i add i bet they’re not certified in anything of the sort) and of course then if they’re gonna be criticizing everyone on the dang campus then they prolly spend hours pickin out the right outfit for themselves n checking "what not to wear" re-runs to make sure they’re being GOOD fashion police officers! HAH On top of all of this, if its a guy he’s prolly gay n he’ll never be able to get married (sorry not to be an jerk) and if it’s a girl well then the only guys shes taking off the market r the pathetic ones that will wait around all day for their gf to get ready and look "picture perfect" just to go get some tampons at CVS or something (and they’re r prolly also the metro guys that we dont like neways) so really keely this article helps u out alot...now u kno if u ever meet the legendary FASHION POLICE u dont have to waste ur time figuring out if their friend or even attention worthy while they spent part of their day chasing, observing and "descritely" photographing a freshman girl that doesn’t give two sh*ts to their existence. Fascinating how u come out on top, huh? p.s. All i wear is onesies now bc its so cold n when i feel like an extra loser(aka iv worn the same onesie two days in a row) i just wear raggidy sweatpants over them...but ya know what i’ll send them a picture myself if they want...FEEL FREE TO HATE ON ME! haha love ya keelbug keep reppin the 301!!!!

    Fashion Failure | 2010-01-11 - 11:53:12 AM (CDT)

  26. uh oh sasha, watch out...don’t try to be too original..the FASHION POLICE will getcha!!!! I can’t believe you guys even have a fashion police section in you paper..there is nothing else to write about other than who on campus has the balls to wear what they want. I mean thanks for sharing your opinion FASHION POLICE but I don’t think anyone follows your advice or takes it to heart. The only thing I found interesting was your knowledge on Britain’s history. Next time include a little more information on that topic so I don’t feel like I just became 10 times more stupid after reading this article. HOLLLLLAAAAAAA

    Fashion Failure | 2010-01-11 - 11:59:55 AM (CDT)

  27. Since I’m anti-fur, I have to agree with you regarding the collar but otherwise the outfit is pretty cute.

    Lori | 2010-01-11 - 01:38:58 PM (CDT)

  28. Fashion police: speaking of serial killers you guys just killed my desire to ever read this section again.

    hlm | 2010-01-11 - 06:04:07 PM (CDT)

  29. @ Fashion Failure, who writes:

    "p.s. All i wear is onesies now bc its so cold n when i feel like an extra loser(aka iv worn the same onesie two days in a row) i just wear raggidy sweatpants over them...but ya know what iÂ’ll send them a picture myself if they want...FEEL FREE TO HATE ON ME!"

    It’s a deal. Send your photos to editor@uweekly.com

    Fashion Fuzz | 2010-01-11 - 07:02:28 PM (CDT)

  30. Sure thing, IÂ’ll send you a picture asap. IÂ’ll be sending the picture from my 6th grade, foxiemoxie98@yahoo.com , email—feel free to make fun of that if you want too. Oh and I will be sending a picture of me in blue onsies with spaceships on them. They glow in the dark if you wanted to comment on how I wonÂ’t be able to successfully sneak onto a NASA ship because I wonÂ’t be incognito or whatever. Sorry, I just thought that stupid line up just nowÂ…IÂ’m sure youÂ’ll spend waaay more time thinking up a diss waaaay, waaay better. I look forward to reading it. And the picture is in my, Missouri Baptist University, cafeteria. If you want to call me a religious psycho you can do that as well. IÂ’m not religious though. The only reason I go to that school is because I am on a full wrestling scholarship. OMG thereÂ’s something else you can say. “Dyke female wrestler wears spaceship onsies”. Wow, I can practically do your job for you if youÂ’d like. Anyways, decipher my picture however you want and hopefully you’ll think of something way more spiteful and cruel to say about it than you have on past ones. IÂ’d really love to see how much effort was made in trying to bring my self-esteem down.

    Fashion Failure | 2010-02-06 - 12:04:57 AM (CDT)
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