Michael Amann Says ...
Republicans: Take the money and don't run
By Michael Amann
For those of you who don't follow the news, Republican Scott Brown of Massachusetts beat some lady with bad hair in a special election last week. Chatter has now increased to a roar - Republicans are taking back the House and Senate in 2010. Brown has become a GOP hero after running a campaign that was noted for its terrific organization, enthusiastic grassroots efforts and naked Cosmo pics. He made only one critical mistake: he got elected.
The Daily Telegraph listed the 100 most influential conservatives in America earlier this month and only two of the top 10 (No.9 Congressmen Paul "Who's Paul Ryan?" Ryan and No.10 lame-duck quitter Governor Tim Pawlenty) and seven of the top 20 currently hold elected office. A large part of those numbers has to do with a lot of high profile Republicans getting sh-t-canned in the 2008 elections. No matter how their posts were abandoned however, few savvy Republicans look to jump back into the political fray. Nearly all "high-profile" Republicans are making fat cash by staying out of political office and in the media spotlight.
Former Governor Sarah Palin knows her vapid aw-shucks remarks are better as self-promoting controversies than pieces of any coherent ideology. She's making green hand over fist by pandering to the basest of the base - a terrible political strategy, of course. Even in what is allegedly Barack Obama's darkest hour, the president was still way ahead of Palin by 32 points (56 percent to 24 percent) with independents in recent a Fox News poll. THIRTY-TWO POINTS. FOX NEWS POLL.
Electability is overrated. Bankability is what Republican figureheads need to focus on.
Sarah Palin can talk about "death panels" all she damn well pleases if the only people she has to answer to are her millions of sycophant fans. Mike Huckabee's Fox News show is as awkward as it is shallow, yet his supporters tune in every week. Rudy "Nine F-ckin' Eleven" Giuliani can pretend that Bush's presidency experienced nary a terrorist attack without consequence. Newt Gingrich hasn't held office this millennium, yet is considered by many to be the face of the GOP. The only non-Republicans who like Dick Cheney are the space marines from "Avatar." In spite of this, the former vice president, voted the worst man to ever hold his office, gets to tee off on Obama on national television whenever he feels like it.
None of these people are burdened with the crippling responsibility of pulling America out of the dismal spot where they left it. What recession? Beck and O'Reily get 3 million viewers a day! For right-wing talking heads, 2009 was a bull market - a flaming bull with a jetpack, shooting lasers out of its eyes. In 2010, the bull looks to grow machine guns for legs and fart gold.
Listen Republicans: wouldn't you rather be mocking Obama's tenuous and brief connection to ACORN than having to defend Halliburton's billions in no-bid contracts in Iraq? Isn't it more fun to criticize the Democrats' flirtation with nuking the filibuster than to explain why your own party wanted to do the very same thing not eight years ago? Isn't protesting more fun than calling liberal protesters un-American?
Republicans love money. However, they also love America. While they'll never admit it, most of them haven't forgotten just how f-cked up the country was by the choices and actions of the Republican-controlled Congress and White House. From 2003-2007, the leaders of our beloved nation entered an expensive stupid war based on, at best, poor information, largely ignored the pursuit of justice for those who actually attacked us, alienated our allies, authorized torture on our enemies and spied on our countrymen, made a holocaust of post-9/11 bipartisan and international goodwill, slashed taxes on the wealthy, wantonly spent federal money, decreased regulation on mega-corporations and banks, just to name a few. Basically, they got us to the awful situation we are in now.
While George Bush is the public fall guy for those rough times, Republican politicians realize that running a nation is tough. To any Republican political candidate hoping to be part of this "GOP Revolution" in 2010, I strongly suggest you reconsider. Let Obama burn his political capital (and with it, his marketability) trying to fix the mess your colleagues made. Follow the money, stay out of the way, and for the love of God, don't get elected.
Originally Published: January 27, 2010

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