Jan 6th, 2010
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Mar 10th, 2010
Fashion Police
Tasteless turquoise
This person is actually auditioning to be a suburban high school hallway with turquoise paneling. Forget the color scheme - what's with those boots? They're made for 8-year-olds - you know that, right? The same way that the turquoise bag is made for a dumpster. If I am not mistaken it is not 1987, nor is there a Navajo reservation within the city limits, both of which would make this outfit appropriate. But only a little.
Grey's Atrocity
Behold: The depressed Austrian Eskimo look. To pull it off, wear a morose grey from head to toe to reflect the blasé, tormented soul within. You know the look is complete when you successfully blend in with abandoned parking lots or look like a Guy Richie character on suicide watch. Also, the sweatpants - the universal icon of depression - absolutely must match colorwise or clash stylewise with the Austrian fedora, worn low over the forehead. Brad Pitt would be proud; except his coat would be made of ocelot fur, not synthetic rat, and the ground would be paved with gold. But what can one do except tuck your sweatpants into your boots... oh, I see you are one step ahead of me. Godspeed, depressed Eskimo Brad Pitt. Godspeed.
When rainbows vomit
Just because all the colors are bright, doesn't mean they go together well. This bag, probably used to carry her Beanie Babies collection, looks like the hide of Sesame Street character, and those British equestrian boots from the 1890s are not appropriate for a young woman on the go. I guess this goes to show that even if your jacket is made from the same curtains the Von Trapp children used to tailor their clothes, other accessories can still make it look worse.
Originally Published: January 27, 2010
