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Dirt on the Red Carpet

By Joseph Ivan

Elle Camino
"Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria recently opened up to Britain's Female First about how important self-maintenance is, saying, "Your body is a vehicle, and you have to take care of that vehicle." Although Longoria didn't say what kind of vehicle she is, I imagine that it's one that looks pretty good from the outside, but once you get in you realize the leather seats are peeling, the airbags are deflated, and all your buddies can fit in the backseat.

The gang's all here
TMZ is reporting that the contract dispute between MTV and the cast of "The Jersey Shore" is over and that the entire cast is set to return for a new season. Reportedly, the cast united and held out until MTV met their salary demands, which is officially the first time that Snooki has ever held out for anything.

Leave Richie alone
Even though the rest of the world has forgotten about Nicole Richie and her rumored eating disorders, she hasn't. In fact, she sat down with Marie Claire this week and continued to beat a starving horse, saying, "To say someone has an eating disorder when they don't, it's extremely insulting." I bet she's so mad she could just vomit.

Kiss kiss bang bang
Yahoo! News reports that Tinto Brass, one of the adult film industry's foremost directors, is planning to release the world's first 3-D porn! While it probably won't make as much money as "Avatar," it's almost guaranteed to have a bigger opening.

Kim's gettin' jiggly wit it
Gossip Web site "ImNotObsessed.com" reports that uber-cougar Kim Cattrall is planning even more "Sex and the City" after the sequel comes out this year, saying, "[The series will continue] as long as we have stories to tell. We did this series for six years, and we didn't repeat ourselves." Well, that's true. You made the TV show "Sex and the City" which was all about female empowerment and independence. Then you made the movie "Sex and the City" which was all about how women are really to blame for their own unhappiness and how the only true worth for a woman lies in having a man. So, you've contradicted yourselves. You've made hypocrites of yourselves. But you certainly haven't repeated yourselves. Kudos.

Katie's, like, likin' it
In an interview with MTV, Katy Perry admitted that she had so much fun guest-judging "American Idol" that she would totally ditch her singing career if producers asked her to stay on, saying, "It's such fun. It's kind of like judging a talent show." Actually Katy, it's not "like" judging a talent show. It "is" judging a talent show. Apparently, I need to teach you about a grammatical device we smart people use called a simile, which is a comparison of two unlike things using the word "like" or "as." The important word being "unlike," meaning "not the same." That part tripped you up a bit. Now, for a proper example of a simile, I could say, "Katy Perry is stupid like an idiot." Well, that's not really a simile either. But point is, she's a moron.

Originally Published: February 3, 2010

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