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Mar 10th, 2010
Fashion Police
Knot bad
Scarves are a mystery to most people who didn't earn a merit badge in knot-tying. There's the slip start, interloop, European loop, square knot, cowboy fold - who has the time to learn what that crap all means? The real question is, do you tuck the leftovers into your jacket or let them hang out? My boy Bruce knows that in matters of all things phallically suggestive - be they scarves or belts - you let them droop out, and the ladies' imaginations will run wild. Fashion do.
Super sneaky
Now here's a shorty I think we'd all like to holla at. All too often, fashionistas tell us to "play to our strengths." What these fashionistas forget to tell us - because they're lonely drunks - is that short is the new tall. If you're five feet, two inches or hotter, accentuate your newfound fab by locating that MC Hammer doll and busting out those micro-parachute pants. You're bound to lose an inch or two in stature to these Earth-huggin' low-riders. Fashion do.
Colorful but sad
Don't feel sorry for Raymond. Just because he looks all mopey, probably rocking out to Death Cab, Home Fry knows that one's expression is the final component of the perfect outfit. Ray-Ray layered his mantastic chest with the quirkiest of Spree-inspired plaid hipster jackets, but he knows you never judge a book by its cover. If the jacket screams fun-and-fancy-free, the only way to keep them guessing is to throw on the "My Brother is Bangin' My Ex" face. Checkmate, my friend. Fashion do.
Originally Published: February 3, 2010
