Ask a Gay Guy
Gay roommate not the stereotype
Dear Ask a Gay Guy,
Why are you gay? I know it sounds like a stupid question, but seriously. A lot of people say it's biological, but I'm not sure I believe them.
Signed,
Skeptical in Barnacle
After reading your question, my first instinct was to dig up information regarding biological explanations for homosexuality. And I am a man who follows his instincts. So listen carefully, my little doubting Thomas: There is a large and growing body of evidence which suggests that sexual orientation is determined by "a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences," to quote the American Academy of Pediatrics. For example, you have a 52% chance of being gay if you have a gay identical twin; 22% if he's fraternal. How long your fingers are relative to each other, which way your hair swirls, which hand is dominant (anecdotally, most of my gay friends are left-handed) — all these things correlate with sexual preference. Before you hit me with the crippling "correlation does not equal causation!" argument, calmly ask yourself if you really think a homosexual lifestyle will make your fingers grow differently and swirl your hair in a different direction (I suppose the latter could be the result of excessive styling, but let's ignore that possibility.)
Exploring the biological roots of homosexuality won't prove that it's "good" or "bad." But you didn't ask me about that, and it's beyond the scope of this article to justify my value as a human being to you, the reader. Studies like these simply suggest that being gay is, well, natural. And if you look around a bit, it should be self-evident: in every part of the world, in every socioeconomic background, in every political affiliation — there we are: homosexuals!
Dear Ask a Gay Guy,
Is it true that all gays are totally outrageous and fun? Because my roommate is gay, but he is moody and won't help me pick out socks. Is he a closet stright [sic]? Also, he never brings guys or anyone else to the house. What's up with this?
Signed,
Chantel D.
Chantel, girl! You need to get your roommate good and sauced and haul his ass out to the club! Get him to lighten up a bit! The number one rule of being gay is to have fun! And the number one way to have fun is with lots and lots of boys; so get cracking! Your roommate's sock-matching talents are lying dormant now, but line up the chickenheads and I guarantee your fleet-footed fairy roommate will no longer be all gloom and doom — he just needs to let the dance floor know!
Originally Published: Issue 622 - February 13, 2008
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