Satire: Clinton and Obama agree
Car insurance is too expensive
By Hiromitsu Masuda
Earlier this week, despite being at each others’ throats for months fighting for the Presidential nomination, Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama reached a new consensus and agreed to work together to create a solution for the high cost of car insurance.
“Well, it’s about time,” said Elaine Doe, a single mother from Ohio. “With the rising cost of insurance, I sometimes have trouble putting food on the table.”
Bob Hobo, a homeless man from California, agrees. “My mother was in the hospital and I didn’t have any change to take the bus to go visit her. If I had a car and car insurance, I would have been able to go and be by her side.”
Barrack Obama wants to let them know that he feels their pain. “Driving should be a fundamental right for all Americans. How can we, in good conscience, let thousands of hard-working citizens be deprived of the ability to use a car?”
Josh Speeder, a high school senior in New Jersey, admits that he would like to own a car but confesses that he feel discriminated against by powerful car insurance companies. “Once they take a look at my ‘pre-existing conditions,’ like past traffic violations and alcohol-related accidents, they hike the price so high that I can’t afford it.”
Hillary Clinton, in an effort to make driving affordable for even low-income individuals, proposed a plan that goes beyond providing socialized car care for everyone.
“Everyone deserves the highest-quality car-care and car, without being burned by high car bills. If I become president, everyone who has a low income will be provided with a new Toyota Hybrid 2008 and have their car insurance subsidized for free!”
But while critics complain about the high cost of giving poor families expensive free cars, many environmental experts praise the plan, citing a reduction in the production of greenhouse gasses.
Other nay-sayers criticized that this plan would unfairly penalize good drivers who drive carefully and work hard everyday to keep their insurance premiums low. Why should someone who speeds and drives recklessly pay the same amount as someone who hasn't had an accident in 40 years?
Clinton dismissed the criticisms, saying, "That's what you radical religious conservatives have been complaining about the whole time about our health care plan. I'm religious, too, and I care about whether my fellow Americans have access to the car insurance that they deserve.”
Obama agreed, saying, “It’s about time that the government starts protecting its people from their own bad decisions. It’ll be a lot of work and taxes on the rich people who make over $30k a year, but can we do it? Yes we can! YES WE CAN!!!" and he walked off chanting, swaying his hips and pumping his arms to the screams of his fans.
Originally Published: Issue 646 - April 30, 2008
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