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Confessions of a pickpocket

By Clemencia Marshall

Have you ever had your wallet go missing? Had the watch lifted right off your wrist? If so, you may be one of the countless victims of the person in UWeekly's confessional this week. This proud pilferer was pretty hard to pin down, but our Clemencia Marshall managed to steal a few minutes of his time.

How long have you been picking pockets on campus?

I've been doing this for almost two years.

What made you start picking pockets?

I really don't care for most of the kids here and it's a nice way to make money. I guess the real reason was this kid had just put their iPod in their pocket on the bus. It was just hanging out enough that I could grab it by the headphones and slide it out. The bus was busy enough because, for some reason, the No. 2 is never empty. [This kid] went to get off the bus so I did what I like to call a 'lean and fall.' It's when someone goes in front of you and they just kind of fall into you and take stuff from [your] pockets or back pack. It was such a thrill and I haven't stopped since.

Do you think that the only reason you pickpocket is because you don't care for the kids?

Don't forget the thrill. It's like that episode of Family Guy where Lois can't stop stealing things because of the rush. I just happen to love that feeling of almost getting caught and how close you are to the person. It's a very intimate moment that the other person will never know about.

What type of students are easy targets for you?

Kids in a rush or kids with too many things on them. So many people now have an iPod and a cell phone and they just cram it into their pockets or try to put it in their backpack without looking. The kids who have just come out of the shower and can't seem to get themselves together when they rush into class. It's very easy to just bump into them when they have everything in their hands. If they get knocked over most of them get very mad and go into a bigger rush. If they get violent that means I take more stuff. I had a guy bust my lip once because I wasn't 'watching where I was going.' I bet it really sucked when he couldn't find his house keys or wallet that day.

Have you ever been caught?

Oh hell, yeah! In the beginning I was very sloppy. I've had people who just knew I had my hands in their pocket and one girl screamed that she was going to call the cops. She thought I was trying to rape her and called me a pervert. I ran like hell! I've also had a run in with a few of the University Police. I got the slap on the hand though. 'If you think we are going to let this slide if we catch you again doing this type of stuff, you will be thinking that with handcuffs on and a night in jail.' That's what he said. I am sure I made it sound better than what it was, but that's what he said in general.

Do you consider picking pockets a hobby or your job?

It's a jobby? I don't always sell everything right away. I can't always go to the pawn shops around town with iPods. That would seem really suspicious. Craigslist is a good friend but not always reliable. When most people report phones being stolen they don't actually report it at all. Most people will just tell them its missing so depending on the phone I can send it back to the manufacturer sometimes or this new thing that AT&T has partnered up with gives you money for "old" cell phones. So it's money, but it's not stable money.

Do you find yourself stealing things while not on your "jobby"?

Do I randomly steal things? I take more ketchup from Cane's. No, I am just joking. I don't know actually. I will pay more attention to myself. I don't think I do. I am pretty sure I just only take things when I see an opportunity.

Have you ever sold something back to someone you stole from?

(Laughs very loudly) NO! I wish!!! No one after something gets stolen ever goes on Craigslist to look for the same thing or at least nothing I have stolen. I am sure after this article though there will be a ton of people scanning Craigslist for their lost belongings.

What would be a good way for people on campus to protect themselves from people like you?

If you have a purse make sure it's closed. Girls just slap it shut sometimes, which means there is always a chance for something to "fall out" along the way. Short shorts or tight pants on men or women make an easy target. Most people still think they feel the pressure of the item on them and they never think about it to check. So clothing not too baggy and not too tight would work for them. Also make sure everything is in your pocket before you start moving around. Of course none of these things might help or stop me, but it's always nice to take a little more care and it makes it more exciting for me.

Will you ever stop picking pockets?

I've never considered it.

Originally Published: July 1, 2009

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