Hello, Todd?
By Michael Amman
It’s me, Michael.
I just wanted to talk to you about some things. I’m graduating this year and... well, I haven’t gotten “it” yet. You know, a National Championship. I know, I know, there was 2002, but I wasn’t going to school here then. I only followed the team so much that season. I didn’t even wear an Ohio State shirt when I watched it on television. I know that was wrong, Todd, but I was young and played Starcraft online sometimes. I was a nerd, Todd.
But now I’m all grown up, at least most of the way. I think I act pretty mature for my age. It’s just that one thing, Todd. I need “it” to happen to be a real grown up fan. If that doesn’t happen soon, I just don’t know what I’ll do, Todd.
It’s just that my friend Jimmy goes to Notre Dame, and I really don’t want him to get “it” before me. It’s not that I don’t like Jimmy; I just feel like I’ve earned it, Todd. I mean, look at USC. They got it, TWICE (sort of), and now look at them. They have Snoop Dogg and Will Farrel on the sidelines! LSU got it twice (sort of) too, as you may or may not be aware. Sometimes I want it so bad that I cry.
Sometimes, Todd, strong men also cry.
I know it’s not all on you, Todd. I know that. Far from it. I just want you to know that I really, really have to get a national championship before I’m 23. Because then I will be old. My mom said she had to wait until she was 39 to get it. I can’t wait that long, Todd. I just can’t. I’ll be like a freak.
But hey, I want to say some things to you too, Todd. I know some people give you a hard time about things. I want you to know I believe in you, Todd. At least, I think I believe in you. I’m having real difficulty believing in anything these days.
Phil Steele lists us as having the 12th best quarterbacking unit in the nation, Todd! Phil Steele has had the most accurate preseason magazine for the last nine years! He “believes” in you, Todd.
Hey. I know what you’re thinking, Todd. “That’s probably just because Terrelle Pryor is on the depth chart.” To quote Mike Gundy, “That ain’t true.” Well, ok, it’s fairly true. But you’re a senior now, Todd. This is your team. Sure, you might not get the most hype; people might not have held candle-light vigils to make sure you came back for one more year. But Todd, we need you.
I don’t want you to feel bad when everybody cheers as you come off the field the first time. You know they just want to see the new hottness. It’s nothing against you, Todd. You’re great, really. Remember in Seattle, when we were losing to Washington in the 3rd quarter? That was you, Todd. My downstairs neighbors have HDTV, and they started losing their minds like 6 seconds before I saw it happen. Remember that other time when you were in that hate-filled place, surrounded by people dressed in white, all yelling at you? (No, not Mississippi.) You did really well that time, too.
You did well lots of times, Todd.
I know I should be patient. I know it will eventually happen for me. I just look at all these other schools, all grown up with national championships. They don’t even need a silly poster to explain why they deserved to win the game.
Thanks for listening, Todd.
Sincerely, Michael
Michael Amann is a sports columnist for UWeekly and a contributor to Bang for Your Buck. He has also actually read several books by Judy Blume.
Originally Published: Issue 657 - July 2, 2008
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