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September 16th, 2009 Archives

Fashion Police

haha kyle, nice try.
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Seasonal Confusion Disorder

I know Ohio isn't terribly clear on her weather prerogatives;she can be more flip-floppy than the shoes. However, this does not excuse you from going mullet-style on me with a "winter on the top, summer on the bottom" look. That's a fugly summer, too, might I add; it looks like you pulled that home-spun alpaca-knit sweater right off the herder of that nasty animal. As far as your bottoms, I need not mention the out-of-body experience you must have had to pair an aqua t-shirt with bright red shorts. Have we learned nothing from Fashion Police these years, people?! I suppose it's just a common color pairing of those that wind up on my film here. As for your itchy sweater and gym shorts, you're definitely a 7 on our Shameless Scale. However, for the diagnosis on your Seasonal Confusion Disorder, may I suggest 7 minutes at Savage Tan?

Blue Ballin

Roses are red, violets are blue - and so is this dude. If he'd dressed more like an emo art student, I would have mistaken him for a Picasso Blue Period fan. Yet Picasso fans are not nearly as interesting as this guy, who not only bothered to match himself head to foot with the color of masculinity, but right down to his wrist brace too. Some people might say, "Oh Fashion Police, Writer of Doom, give this guy a break. At least he actually matches, unlike most of your hapless victims!" And to this, I say nay - there is such a thing as overdoing it; if there ever was such an example before us, it would come in the form of those Chuck Taylor freaks who have a different pair to match every...outfit...they...have. Your Shameless Scale value, sir? 5. My guess is it takes a lot of balls to look so blue.

Bite Me

I know we're all still holding onto summer's last huff of hot air like a fat kid to a candy bar, but little did I know the manifestation of this lingering denial would come in the form of missing "Shark Week" on the Discovery Channel (or else this kid just really likes "Jaws"). Wearing a little kid's backpack like that will not only land you here, but give you a rating of 6 on our Shameless Scale. Of course, it wouldn't be responsible of me to ignore your ridiculous redrum shade, ankle-high galoshes, topped off with pants the color only scrubs should sport - this will get you an 8. Dude, bite me.

Originally Published: September 16, 2009

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Comments

  1. given the fact that you took a shitty picture i can understand the fact that you called the first person a girl when his legs are obviously the hairy legs of a dude. when you’re being an asshole its best to be both smart and funny, which is why Vice magazine’s version of this is enjoyable, and yours is sad.

    Kyle | 2009-09-28 - 07:49:54 PM (CDT)

  2. Kyle, the she in that first sentence is referring to Ohio.

    Dave | 2009-09-30 - 04:15:06 PM (CDT)

  3. To Dave- It’s refreshing when other intelligent people read this column and take it for what it is, although I often expect those like Kyle to be reading it, given its critical comedic purpose. Like the 3 "physically fit, beer drinking ladies" from last week, he also needs a class in reading comprehension. A note to those actually offended by Fashion Police- lighten up (likely thats Kyle in the first photo).

    Snickering | 2009-10-02 - 08:24:33 PM (CDT)

  4. haha kyle, nice try.

    Stupid Kyle | 2009-12-29 - 08:49:59 PM (CDT)
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