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Confessions of a Bouncer

By Nick Schwab

Every now and then, things can get hairy at your watering hole of choice. Sometimes you're the reason things got hairy. Either way, you can rest assured that a respectable establishment will come complete with its very own hired muscle to make sure girls get to their cabs, under-agers don't try to sneak beer and that rough-housing is answered expediently.

UWeekly recently interviewed E, a bouncer at the Circus, about what he does and how he does it.

UW: What is a typical night for you like?
E: I guess it is almost like babysitting... babysitting drunk adults.

UW: What is the strangest situation that you have been in?
E: It was at punk rock karaoke and on the patio a lady was spanking another lady. Someone was missing pants at that point, (and) another lady had her finger in her orifice.

UW: Do you have to be physically strong for your job?
E: I think it is more your brains than anything else. You don't want to get physical with someone right off the bat. You want to talk to the person, and normally you can solve the situation. You (also) don't want to put yourself in a dangerous situation (if you can help it.)

UW: What is the most interesting part of your job?
E: The end of the night stragglers. When you find that cute girl that you have seen all night, passed out in the toilet, crying out her boyfriend's name just wanting to leave. Or people get left out front by their rides.

UW: What is the most stressful part of your job?
E: When there are a lot of people in here: you have to keep in contact with the other bouncers, take notice of everything around you.

UW: Anything you would change about your job?
E: Tell the kids to stop trying to sneak alcohol. The under-twenty ones (should) pregame before they leave the house. [editor's note: We at UWeekly don't endorse underage drinking of any sort, now that all of us are old enough to get into bars.]

UW: Would you say that you have learned the art of spotting fake ids?
E: Yes. I have seen ones where they are just a kid, and their birth date says like 1950, or something. Some will be on a thin strip of paper, it would say like New York Id, but the picture is always in the wrong spot.

UW: What is your favorite part of the job?
E: Getting to see a lot of great music for free. I have seen some great local bands, like Burglars and The Town Monster.

UW: Do people get offended when you check their identifications? Do they get mad when they are turned away?
E: The younger people normally do, but the older people love it. People age 30 and up--they love it.

UW: What is the most gratifying part of your job?
E: When you look out for someone who can't look out for themselves in that moment. When you get them to a cab, or avoid a dangerous situation. It is always nice to help someone out and make sure they had a good night.

Originally Published: October 14, 2009

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