U Weekly. Serving The Ohio State University in Columbus Ohio

You are what you drink

By Corey Spring

The great philosopher Homer Simpson once remarked that beer was “my one weakness, my Achilles heel, if you will.” Had our old friend Homer ever looked at the nutrition information on his can of Duff -or possessed even a fleeting moment of self-control- he might be sporting a much less pronounced beer belly.

 
       

It’s something many college students, who can down ten beers during a single hot streak of beer pong without flinching, probably don’t even think to consider. Others (read: women) know exactly how many calories are in that shot of tequila, and if pressed, could probably provide a detailed statistical analysis of how it affects their metabolic rate.

However, in the interest of our less informed and possibly intoxicated readers, we decided to take a look at some of the more common alcoholic beverages and see how they stacked up against each other.

You might be surprised to know that spirits, such as vodka, gin, rum and whiskey, contain a higher percentage of calories than beer and wine, but if you add fruit juice, syrups and tonics the calorie count keeps growing. Drinking fewer cocktails won’t help you either -- the higher the proof, the greater the calories.

Beer

Just how light is light beer? Well, if you go strictly by the numbers, Budweiser has 145 calories to Bud Light’s 110, whereas Coors Light and Miller Lite both clock in under Bud Light, at 102 and 96 calories respectively. What you might find most surprising, however, is that Natural “Natty” Light weighs in at only 95 calories, having the fewest calories of any of the beers available at your local gas station or grocery store short of O’Doul’s (a “beer” whose very existence continues to boggle this writer’s mind). Pause for a moment and let it digest that Natural Light is statistically a better beer than any of the above beers before reading on.

Of course, what you lose in calories you also lose in alcohol content. If taste be damned and you’re only drinking beer to have an “absolute drunken orgy” (in the words of the immodest Karen Holbrook), then Keystone Ice and Milwaukee’s Best “Beast” Ice win, both with an alcohol content of 5.9% and 143 and 144 calories, respectively. As a reference point, Natural Ice has the same alcohol content both of these beers, but a few more calories at 157. Again, though - we really must emphasize the whole “taste be damned” aspect of this form of drinking. Then again, if you’re drinking anything with the word “Ice” in it on a regular basis, you may not have any taste buds left, and you certainly stopped caring about your health a long time ago.

If you like “good” beer, most of it isn’t much worse calorie wise though it may dent your wallet a good bit. A pint of Guinness is about 210 calories and a bottle of Heineken comes in at 166. Many microbrews with higher alcohol content also have larger calorie counts to match. At the end of the day, the calorie difference between domestic lagers and those deep, dark brews isn’t so stark.

Alcopops

Call them alcopops, flavored malt beverages, or simply “chick drinks” - these sugary concoctions are even worse. A single Smirnoff Ice has 228 calories, while a Bacardi Silver similarly sets you back 220 calories, the same as a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Have three of these bad boys and you’re well over what you would have consumed in a Big Mac or Quarter Pounder with cheese from McDonald’s. In fact, the high caloric content of so-called “alcopops” prompted the Center for Science in the Public Interest (a non-profit nutrition advocacy group) to issue a warning against them because of their high caloric content (and low level of knowledge regarding it).

Mixed Drinks

When ordering a mixed drink, you have some level of control over just how bad/good the drink will be on your body. For example, a Jack and Coke has 251 calories in it, almost half of which comes from the Coke. Swap it out for Diet Coke and you’re getting half the calories. If vodka is your game, a vodka tonic (200 calories) is way better than a vodka soda (179 calories). If vodka happens to be your liquor of choice, than the difference can add up after an evening of pounding down several of them. By the way, in case you girls are wondering (because it’s the only damn thing you order when I guest bartend), a vodka cranberry is around 213 calories.

Strictly Shots

A shot of Jack Daniel’s is 96 calories, about the same as a seven-grain Belgian waffle, and shots of rum and vodka are roughly the same. A shot of Everclear, however (and by the way, why the hell are you doing shots of Everclear) is 285 calories. In one shot. Enjoy jogging for 45 minutes, because that’s almost how long it will take for your body to burn that energy. You’ll be only slightly better off with large Jager bombs (213 calories) and Red Bull and vodkas (around 209 calories). How about an Ohio favorite -- the Irish Car Bomb? This conconction of Guinness, Bailey’s Irish Cream and Jameson Whiskey stands in at a tall 300+ calories!

Don’t Wine about it

We’ve all heard of the health benefits of a regular glass of red wine. Perhaps not too suprisingly, the red stuff (white too) carries about the lowest calorie count of any alcoholic beverage. A 4 oz. glass of red wine will only set you back 95 calories or so and white is even more slimming at 90 calories for that same glass. For those of you wondering what that entire bottle of red wine will do to your midsection -- about 620 calories and a raging headache.

Worst of the worst

So what’s the most fattening drink you can order at the bar? Well, ounce for ounce a margarita isn’t your friend if you are trying to be conscious about your health. Whereas a 12 ounce light beer might be around 100 calories, 12 ounces of a margarita made with Jose Cuervo can be as high as 424 calories. Mudslides from Applebee’s are also not particularly nutritious, in case you couldn’t tell that by looking at them. While Applebee’s does not disclose nutritional data on a large portion of items they serve, a copycat recipe for the Applebee’s mudslide from the best-selling “Top Secret Restaurant Recipes” cookbook series by Todd Wilbur pegs it at an absurd 808 calories - or about 40% of all the calories you should eat in an entire day. A Long Island Iced Tea is also one of the worst offenders, given the copious amount of booze found in one, and can be anywhere from 330 calories to over 500 depending on how it’s made.

Cutting back

For those looking to cut back on their calories while not giving up the drink completely, stick to the lower calorie options available. If you’re out at the bar, it’s just as easy to ask for a Bacardi and Diet Coke or a Bud Light than ordering their higher calorie counterparts. At home, stock up on margarita mix made with Splenda to cut out a significant portion of calories. There’s probably no need to obsess over every single drink you have, but having a general idea of what you’re putting into your body has never been a bad idea. Obviously if you’re a drinker looking to become more healthy, the logical step would be to cut out alcohol from your diet completely - and if you are able to do so, more power to you. Realistically though, we know most readers subscribe to the Homer Simpson school of thought (“Alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it”), so just remember that with drinking, moderation is always key.

Nutritional data obtained from manufacturers, calorieking.com and nutritiondata.com unless otherwise noted.

Originally Published: October 17, 2007

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