Confessions of a former Apostolic (part one)
By Bram Fulk
From media exposure like Bill Maher's movie "Religulous" to ongoing scrutiny of the presidential candidates' spiritual affiliations, religion is very much the hot topic nowadays. In addition, the recent events surrounding Warren Jeffs and the FLDS Church in Texas have brought the public eye down on religious denominations that strictly adhere to fundamental guidelines. UWeekly spoke with a young woman who, until quite recently, belonged to the Apostolic Pentecostal faith. Though obviously quite different in belief from the FLDS Church, the Apostolic Church does adhere to a set of strict Conservative Christian values. The interview explored two aspects of Apostolic life, and will be presented in two parts: life within the church this week, and life after leaving the religion next week.
UW: I'll be the first to admit — I know next to nothing about the Apostolic Religion. What sets it apart from what we would call more "mainstream" protestant religions?
The religion's very strict. It's kind of like a lifestyle. You pretty much live by what your pastor says. Most people are Sunday church goers, [but] Apostolics go to church four to five times a week. Every activity, every friend you have, your church is your family. Your church is your life.
UW: What was it like growing up within the religion? I assume your family was very much involved in it.
You were very different from everybody. You live that lifestyle, but they don't want you to live a secular life, but you're going to public schools where everybody is so different and you're used to being around everybody who's the same as you are. It was hard growing up and looking different. It wasn't about beliefs because, as a child, I didn't really understand it. [It was] having to wear the long skirts, never cutting my hair, never listening to the radio or watching TV.
UW: What are some of the other ways the lifestyle as a whole is different?
As far as material things, the women can't wear shorts, can't wear skirts that are above the knee, and you can never wear pants — absolutely not. You can't wear fingernail polish, no makeup, no jewelry of any kind unless it's a wedding ring. You can't go to movie theaters, you can't go to public swimming pools, and, inside the church, you cannot stand within six inches of someone of the opposite sex unless it was a family relative. If it was, like, a boy my age, and I wasn't somehow related to him — (mock hushed tone) which I'm sure I probably was (laughs) — I couldn't stand within six inches of him, and the boys had to sit on one side of the church in a certain row and the girls had to sit on the other. Men aren't allowed to have facial hair, to wear shorts, to wear sleeveless shirts [but] men didn't have as many restrictions, of course.
UW: That's like, always? I mean, men can't wear shorts around the house, girls can't wear pajama pants to bed…
No. It all comes down to conviction. If you don't feel conviction, they don't feel like you're truly a part of it.
UW: What's conviction?
Self conviction. It's almost like feeling guilty. Conviction is a commonly-used word in the Apostolic religion.
UW: I don't understand. When you feel conviction, do you feel guilty for not being religious enough?
They say it's God's way of — that you're feeling God. You're letting the Devil influence you. To me it just feels like there's a lot of fear. They like to instill fear, and that's what keeps you going to church. You're so afraid.
UW: Is it fear of God or fear of disappointing the church or fear of humiliating yourself in the eyes of the church?
It's all of that. Because they tell you to fear God. Your biggest fear in life is God. They'll tell you the actual words, "fear God." Then there's the fear of making mistakes because [if you do] the church will shun you. You cross them or do wrong, they'll shun you. They're not going to forgive you.
UW: So do they teach that God is a loving God as well?
Yeah.
UW: Then how do they reconcile the two? Is it like, "God is a loving God, unless you do Him wrong?"
No. It's hard to put into words. It's just — I guess it never made sense to me because I would fear making mistakes. Like, I was afraid to make mistakes. I was terrified of God. I was constantly praying, constantly repenting my sins, in fear of something, but I never knew why I was so in fear of Him. I think I spent more time being in fear of God rather than being in fear of the Devil.
Originally Published: Issue 674 - October 22, 2008
 |
Share on Facebook |
