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Pimps and hoes: The imaginary double standard
I was having a drink with a friend the other night when I said what I usually say after my third Jack on the rocks: “Man, I hope I get laid tonight.”
My friend, who happened to have a vagina, responded in kind. “Yeah, me too.”
“Wow, you really are a whore,” I chuckled in reply.
“Why, because I like having sex?” she angrily asked.
“No, because you talk about it…slut. It’s okay for me, because I’m a dude,” I said.
“You’re a retard,” she answered. I found it hard to argue with that.
Until that very moment I had never considered (or cared about) the fact that women might actually like having sex, too. It’s a rare occasion when I get laid, so how on earth can I be bothered by the girls’ level of enjoyment? I’m just happy to be there.
Our drunken conversation eventually evolved (or more likely devolved) into a debate about the alleged double standard regarding sex and men and women. I, of course, won the debate.
It seems that some women believe that it’s a double standard that when a man sleeps with a lot of women he’s considered pimp, but when a woman does the same she’s a slut. The logic seems simple enough, but it’s too simple, and it’s not a double standard. I’ll explain.
A double standard implies that two equal parties are being treated differently, but men and women are hardly “equal parties” in the world of boning.
When it comes to tappin’ dat ass, men and women have distinctly different roles. Since the beginning of time men have had the responsibility of pursuing the women. I’m sure that before they could even speak, cavemen were bringing cave-chicks bison hides and dinosaur teeth in an effort to lure them back to the rock pile. And when that didn’t work they probably just clubbed them in the head — which today would be illegal. So consider yourself lucky, girls.
This concept is even demonstrated in the animal kingdom. If getting high and watching Animal Planet has taught me anything, it’s that in virtually every animal species on the planet, the male pursues the female (by the way, if there is anything funnier than watching two monkeys humping I’ve never seen it).
Women have it, men want it, and that’s the way it’s always been. It’s been argued that p*ssy is the most powerful currency in the world, and I can hardly disagree.
Every weekend millions of men play a game called “Can I get laid tonight?” The goal of the game is pretty self-explanatory. The more times a guy gets laid, the more times he’s a winner. But for every game there is a winner and a loser.
Like it or not, ladies, when you give up that golden goose after only a few drinks it’s like you’ve been defeated — whether you enjoyed the sex or not.
Men put a lot of effort into trying to have sex. We dress nice, spray on cheap cologne, put in gallons of hair gel and pretend like we care what you’re talking about. It’s hard work. So excuse us if we feel a sense of accomplishment as we escort you to our bedrooms. Women might argue that they put work into getting bootie, too. But it’s not the same. Women don’t actually pursue men. Instead, they send out receptive signals that it’s okay for a guy to pursue them. They play with their hair, laugh at our terrible jokes and lean into personal space to indicate interest. But, still, we’re left to do all the work.
Let’s face it, if girl really wants to get laid she can find a suitable partner by sticking her had out a window and screaming, “Who wants to f*ck me!!!!”
Guys don’t have that luxury. Trust me, I’ve tried.
The central issue here is effort. Who doesn’t feel like a winner after reaping the benefits of a hard day’s (or night’s) work?
If ladies really want to dump the imaginary double standard that they think drapes the dating game, then it’s about time girls start putting in the effort that guys do.
Hell, I’ve heard girls talk about not having to pay for drinks all night because of their cleavage. I wouldn’t exactly call that being an “equal party.”
So until girls start opening our doors, buying our drinks, taking us to dinner and sending us flowers (PO Box 623 Columbus, Ohio 43216 c/o Lyndon Collins) then the perception isn’t going to change.
You may call me sexist, misogynistic, ignorant, whatever…I don’t really care. Because one trip to any bar on a Saturday night will more than prove my point. I didn’t make it this way; it’s just the way it is.
I suppose the easiest way to avoid being a slut is to NOT GET F*CKED ten minutes after you meet a guy….but that would just be silly.
Originally Published: October 31, 2007
