This week’s blog, I wanted to get on more of a serious topic. Domestic Violence. It’s everywhere, even where we would have never guessed.
Some people don’t even realize when they are in a relationship where they are being abused, some believe they deserve it, or they’re just too afraid to get out of the relationship. It’s sad to see people that come out of relationship’s where they feel they are forever damaged.
The damage is much more, if you stay in that type of relationship.

This was originally written for the “Abby’s Tough Love” Column.

I have been in a relationship with the same girl for the past (roughly) two years….
We were just to the point where we were apartment hunting together and talking about marriage for the near future… We argue sometimes but nothing serious. A couple nights ago, we got into an argument and things got heated, it started out over something really petty and not even worth fighting about, but she started raising her voice and I started raising my voice, so on and so forth.
Things got a little out of hand, and she was in my face screaming at me, I kept telling her to get out of my face and she wouldn’t. Something in me just finally snapped, and I  hit her. I honestly did not mean to and It was like I blacked out, but didn’t? I don’t know if that makes any sense. It’s just not in me to hit a female, it is not the way I was raised, and I have never done that before.

Now she doesn’t want anything to do with me, When I call her cell, I know shes just hanging up on it so it goes straight to voice mail after one or two rings. I want to make things right with her, and tell her I love her and that Im sorry, which I did tell her all that, but it was in  a message. I don’t know if she will ever speak to me again, or have any sort of contact with me. I just need her back in my life again, Its only been a couple of days and I’m miserable already. I don’t know what to do, Or what to say to get her back! Do you have any advice for my situation?

You need to get help. Don’t worry about getting her back in your life right now, worry about getting yourself the help that you need. I realize that you know what you did was wrong, but that does not change it from already happening. Its happened, and its happened to her, Not you. You have no idea what it was like for her to be hit by someone she trusts and loves.
I would advise that you seek professional help, something like anger management classes. Do it for the right reasons, not just because you want to be back in her life. I look at this way, You admitted yourself that it was over something petty that just escalated…. What could have happened if it was over something serious? I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, but lets just be honest here. These kinds of things are not excusable, and you should really learn how to control yourself, Which anger management classes may help do that. Your lucky you didn’t land yourself in jail, which I believe you could have used a night or two to make you realize what you have done. You should be finding better resources that deal with situations as serious as this.
Your talking about how YOU feel MISERABLE? What the hell is that? How do you think she feels, think about what she is now going through! This is a big deal, your talking marriage with her and wanting to settle down and get a place together, yet you hit her…..already?  She is going through a lot right now, and you need to leave her alone! And focus on getting the help that you obviously need! There are resources out there, instead of calling her, call them!

National Domestic Violence Hot line: 1-800-799-SAFE or visit www.ndvh.org